AHHHH yes..... I have a BAD case of the F-It's. Just f-u-c-k it. I need to get out of it.
My husband and I were watching Dana Carvey on Saturday and he was talking about how we get a case of the Fuck It's. That is when you should go to work and work but you find yourself watching You Tube for 9 hrs.
Ever since my last negative on IVF--DH and I have been enjoying life. We may have a little to much beer one night, we sang Karaoke, and have done a lot of talking to each other. It has been nice but man o man I am exhausted. I am ready to go back to no drinking during the week and where I am in bed by 9:30 p.m. every night.
Dh and I DO get to attend an adoption seminar tomorrow. I am super excited but I also have done a lot of research and am a little overwhelmed with all the paperwork we have to do and have been freaking out about the home study. I think it is the fear of the unknown. But, it is SO exciting. Just thinking about having a little one in my arms and calling me "Momma" and calling DH "Daddy" gets my heart racing and let's the butterflies loose in my tummy!!!
So, we are not sure if we are going to go back and do IVF #4. DH had to go get his blood drawn but they didn't have the form that our doctor's office had done online. So, he was frustrated. I called the doctor's office but our file was in the other office. DH called me and said "this is bullshit" so he left. While he was in there waiting for someone to find our paperwork-- a wicked storm came in. So, when he left-- tree's were down and some intersections had lost its electricity. So, he could not get lunch and was running out of time. He was one MAD person. I don't blame him. So, he went back to work and I brought him lunch cause he had meetings all afternoon. Aren't I just the sweetest wife ever?!! :-)
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I never knew you had this. I wish I had. I know it's almost like a journal, but in so many ways, I can see how hard this process is on you from your angle of experiencing it...the intricacies, the stress, the heartache.
Sarah, whether or not you EVER have a baby from your womb, one day you WILL have a baby all your own. We don't love children more because they share our genetic matter. We love them because they are the only people in the world who look at us with UNCONDITIONAL love, the only ones who can break our hearts for a lifetime, and mend them with a single hug.
Children are the purest form of good, the wholest form of strength and the deepest form of fulfillment. It isn't who layed the egg; it's the one that cares for it that gets called 'mama'. ;)
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