Magic Pill

There is no magic pill. I want there to be a magic pill. So...my husband and I went to the doctor's office for the talk about why our third IVF failed. We know why....the hospital should have done ICSI and they didn't. But, we wanted more answers from the doctor.
We arrive 15 minutes early. I pulled into the parking garage right after my husband did. We go up tot he elevator and walk into the office. There was two women who were waiting. One of them was talking LOUDLY on her cell phone...(which is a HUGE pet peeve. Doctor's small waiting room are NOT the place to have conversations) After about 5 minutes they were called back. My husband started bouncing his leg around and kept asking me what time it was. I let him know it was only 3:40 and our appointment is at 3:45. He then told me he had to return to work for a 5:30 meeting. So, for the next 30 minutes I watched my husband get more angry and almost saw smoke coming out of his ears as we had to sit there and wait. At 4:20 we stood up and told the Receptionist we would have to reschedule. Well, our doctor over heard us and called us back right then. (he had no idea he was behind schedule and that we had been waiting) He was wanting to talk to us as much as we wanted to talk to him. So, he told us that the hospital should have checked my records to see that we had done ISCI the last two IVF cycles. He apologized again. Then I asked him where the magic pill was. I told him about all the Internet research I have been doing. I told him I know some women are on steroids to assist with implantation. He said that he would have stock in the company if there was a steroid that would consistently work and help with implantation. He said that is what baby aspirin is for. We asked what tests should run. He said he only wants one test done on my husband that is genetic. He said I respond well the medicine, our embies look great (the previous two cycles) then I asked...why don't they implant. He said he didn't know. I asked for the magic pill again. He smiled and said I wish there was one. He went on to say the basically they do not know enough about why IVF works on some people and not on others. He said that ICSI was just discovered in 1992. He said maybe in ten years they will be able to pinpoint why it didn't work but right now there is not enough research out there done. I did ask him if he needed to rerun all my tests....he said no. He said it would be a waste of time and money. He also said we are welcome to get a second opinion but he has done and will continue to do everything to make me pregnant. He made us feel good and like we were his special project.
So, our doctor wants to not count this last cycle as #3. He wants to do it again and he is going to see what they can do at their end to assist with the costs. He wants me to start the next cycle right away. First though, we asked for them to verify our insurance. We want to know if we have any left. We also want to know if this genetic test on my husband is covered. So, once we get that call going and everything is A-OK then it looks like it will full steam ahead. The nurse did say that we may not have the genetic test back so my husband will have to ask what the turn around time will be. We want to make sure we could have it back in time. Otherwise I will be doing all this again for nothing.
So, my husband and I walked out of there feeling a bit rushed since it was 5p.m. and he had to get back to work. My husband asked how I felt about everything.... I feel like I will do this again but I can not help that negative feeling I have. I feel like we will do this again and the cycle will be textbook perfect and yet we all know the outcome....negative. My head feels like it will be negative-since that is all we know. My heart has a ton of hope in it. Hope that this will work. Hope that this cycle will be "the" cycle that works. But, I also want to KNOW it will work. I want that magic pill.